The presence

There is a hole in your heart, that you have you have filled in with people, who are really far away. You ache for their presence, their love, that's so pure and unconditional. There are no expectations, no returns expected from you. Its just so pure, that even the impurity in your mind washes away, just like it happens, when you dip yourself on the theoretical Ganga, which cleanses the soul. Having people, who love you that way, is a blessing.

How does life act so cruel, to place them in the other part of the world and still remain in peace?

A heavy heart, a long sigh, life moves on. Love will always remain fresh and you will always remain thirsty. Like a drought laden land, that asks for more.

The water of love will flow one day. From all the places you expected and from the unexpected ones too. And you will be drowned in it - no matter the distance, no matter the differences. You will just thank life, for making you realise the pain of absence, so you don't take the presence for granted.

Have hope. Love more. Be kind - to yourself. You will be given more of what you have always wanted to have.

The presence

Identity

What identity you have, other than being someone for someone?
I am a mother to my daughter, a wife to my husband, a sister to my sister and a daughter to my parents and in-laws. But, does that define who I am? I work. So I have people, who believe, I am their colleague. Does that define me? No.

I am that indefinite part of the universe, but also merely a dust in it. I am person, but I add up to nothing. I am a success in the eyes of many and for many, I am a failure. I end up believing everything everybody says. But, there is a part of my heart, that believes in the authentic 'me'.

The one that never dies, the one that never stops believing in love, the one that says, 'This too will pass' - both in highs and lows, one that gives a light of hope, in the dark, the one that believes in magic and moon lights and sunsets and the never ending hustles of the sea.

Will I define myself sometime to the world? Rather than, them fixing in a box with boundaries?

And in this fast paced century, where feelings becomes WhatsApp, Facebook and Instagram statuses, achievements becomes profiles in LinkedIn, will we really cherish who we are as a person? Will our digital footprints define our mental health in the future?

I think we have the answer and that's an yes. With rising number of online related depression, anxiety and suicide cases, with people, exaggerating their life in those statuses, we are ruining the natural identity in those 10 minutes we chose to scroll down the Facebook or WhatsApp status than talking to the next person, including me. If social media really makes us all feel connected, why do we really feel isolated?

Losing our identity to the screens and statuses, one day humans will find the answers to all the questions above. But, they would have lost themselves, from the point where recovery would be possible only through breaking all those screens and walls and statuses.

A tribute to the martyred

A sleepy Friday morning after the Valentines day, is an usual. I see people carry on with their daily lives. No one has stopped having their first coffee. None stopped smoking. None stopped kissing their child. None stopped praying. None stopped going to office. None stopped getting excited about going home after their work, for a great weekend.

But, at various corners of India, there are more than 40 families mourning the loss of a dear life, that pledged to save the nation. Their lives have come to a halt, a permanent standstill. They might not eat for days and sleep at night. The horror of losing someone who you loved, will haunt them for the rest of their lives.

What made a man rampage over those lives? Well, terrorism, they say. And then carry on with our day to day activities. Why would that not change. Why would a country can't react together and make a change in the lives of those who died and save the lives of those who have pledged to do the same? When communal riots break, what you see is a sheer lack of humanity and empathy and interruptions in the everyday life. But, when a community of soldier dies, the nation says it stands with them. But, how?

While, words are the powerful way, to connect and place our opinion on the world forum, how will we make sure that we are heard? How can we stop terrorism?

Well, there are answers, that nobody wants to hear. That starts with something called, taking responsibility - Over their lives, over their family, over their community of people, who speak the same language, practise same religion. After all charity, love and everything else begins at home. The practise of treating everyone equally, who are not their community and carrying out the fundamental duties of a Citizen can help - Being secular not just in words, but in action will help. Stopping that judging by religion and caste and economic status can help.

But, is that even possible? Will we have Justice for the lost souls? Can we make a change? Really? Time will let us know.

Until then, Kill terrorism at the heart with love.
Grow love and peace and India.
Jaihind!

The trend of scrolling over nothing

When we see people these days, you can see them scrolling and scrolling and again scrolling after seeing your lifeless face. Facebook, Instagram and YouTube has become the priority now. Its like everything that happens in there, the way the celebrities dress, the family gatherings, the office milestones, anything you mention, its there and that has become more important than anything else. Its always there. Everybody sees the viral video, making it viral. They forever forget that, its them watching that video, is the one who is making it viral.

A phone, a smart phone, has become an undenied necessity of everyone's everyday life. And also a shield during awkward conversations. Just look at the phone screen when you are talking and it's a clue the opposite person has to catch from the other that, they are not interested in the conversation or they can stop it right there and start their own scrolling bussiness. And surprisingly or unsurprisingly, this body language has invaded relationships too. For centuries, women, who talk to their husbands tend to be said unheard. Cellphone has just made it easier.

Children tend to neglect their parents, which they always do. But, the intensity with which they do it, have increased. And with everything from bad to worse to worst available in that little piece of electronic marvel, the anxiety of parents have rose to the peak. Child rearing is not going to be easy with the phones clinging around everybody's thumb. And the life of those kids are no easier either. The unattainable or over expectations, that will be placed on them, by their millennial parents and by themselves on them, like a perfect body shape, stupid online challenges and the fear of missing out, if they switch off their phone, is going to make them more clinging to their phones, than to their beloved parents.

Conversations have become awkward. And the scrolling thing, a new normal. Posting statuses and stories have become another new normal. And online bullying and poking and stalking are ruining lives, every minute.

While, the millennial era has brought everything in our fingertip, the fear and the truth of running your entire life also remains to be in a fingertip. Not just yours, but the entire human kind can ditch you in a fingertip. Just pray to be lucky enough, not to let you emotions, react on the Social media platforms. Pray for a normal life. Pray for a normal day, in the era of electronic viral videos. Pray that you shouldn't be a part of it, for your own good. Well, if it's a good one, then you are already lucky.

The resistance - crossing the threshold for success!

When there is a problem, there ought to be a solution! When there is a current, there ought to be a resistance! Am I right?
I have read one famous quote from an athlete. I do not remember the name. The meaning of it goes just like this, "When there is a pain in your muscle, that is when the real training starts. I start counting my rounds in the ground only then."
So, everyone would have come across this point. The successful ones and the failed ones. And the courage to cross this point makes them the former or the latter, respectively. This is called a threshold point.

Take one example:
There is this fitness program. It involves you both mentally and physically. At physical level, when you want to reduce your ever dangling belly, you have to go through tough abdominal exercises and also forgetting your bad diet of pizzas and Puris.

Seeing your crush and the resolve to make them see you back, at school or college or office would definitely force you to stick on to those exercise regimes and diet plans for say only two days or a week. What really can make you an healthy individual is, your mental strength.

There would be a point where there would be so much pain in your legs, hands and andomen after all those circuits. You would think, is this really needed? What is this pain worth? Should I change myself for someone else? Why not stay obese? Everyone, who loves me, never care about me being fat and big! After all many people eat more than me and still stay thin. That's so irrational. I will stay like this. It's fine. This is the resistance. This is the threshold. It is there in your mind and not in anyone's head. It's you who can control that and no one else. When you cross that point, that is when the real change in your life happens. When you do it for yourself, when you accept that pain and say to yourself, "The beautiful body I want is not that easy but achievable. The healthy life I want is on the other side of this swirling river. The journey would be difficult but enjoyable."

When you complain and stop going any further, you are fearing the threshold point. When you try to bear the pain at that point, you are having half of your success in your hand.

Every situation in life will have a threshold point. Every ambitious person would face that point in their life. The person who cross it with all their mental strength is the winner. No doubt you might lose a few times after crossing that point. But, those are obstacles right. A person who want to taste the fruit of success, will never deny to take the bitter medicine called failure or set of obstacles in their life.

That is the resistance I was trying to talk about when the current of success is trying to flow in a conductor called life. That point where you choose to go further or stay where you are.

The Facebook page #Ayearofrunning is the best example for this. Those people out there chose to change them for their own good. And now many have won marathons and have become fitness gurus.

You might also face the same kind of resistance in your life when you try to achieve what you want in life. You might also come across that point called threshold, which might give you 1000 reasons to drop your plan. But, it's all in you head to decide what you want to do with that resistance and whether to cross that threshold.

#Muchlove
#Muchwriting
#Muchlife
An inspiring Ted talk on the above topic, which inspired me to write this article

Nalangu - a good trailer of how life would be, after marriage!

In Hinduism, let me not be so vague, in Iyer marriages, there is one function called nalangu. This one happens in the evening of the marriage. All the old ladies of the bride and the groom side would be present for conducting this "kind of" game thing. Though this boring ritual(like all the others) happens the same way in every marriage, this one's the critical game of all in marriage. The ladies of both the house would decide whether the bride or the groom is going to adjust throughout their life.

Appalam udaithal:
The bride and the groom will be given appalam (a falt round edible material made of dal or rice and usually ate after frying in oil). They would be asked to break it over each other. Where they break it decide how they would treat their partner during fights. An appalam is as feeble as problems in a relationship. When the bride/ groom breaks it in the head of the other, it means they are going to deal every problem right away. On the face. No compromises. When they break it in the back of the other, it means they would be okay with problems coming and will deal it more deliberately.

Mugam parthal:
This is pretty interesting one. The bride and the groom will comb the hair of the other. The twist in the tale is they would be combing with the wrong side. And each other would show the mirror to the other asking if they look good. Again, someone, usually the mischievous among the two, would show the wrong side of the mirror. The reaction of the other during the game would decide how they would deal with the decisions of the other. If the partner says that they indeed look good after that bad combing session, they are the understanding ones among the two. If they ask for another session where they stress the other to comb properly, they are going to be tough and for them truth is truth. No matter how much they love the other, they will place their self respect over the relationship and would expect the other to be the same.

Arisi taren parupu ta:
This one tests if both can live with what they earn. One of them will be given rice on their hand and the other will be given dal. They will be exchanging the goods with each other. In-between one of them would stop giving and the other has to give what they have to fill others hand. This shows that, in a family both might be earning or only one would be earning. Whatever be the scenario, they have to lead their life with what they earn and do not complain the other for not doing so.

There are other games too. But, these three gives the real picture of how life would be after marriage. Just thought I would share the traditional things like this for some time.

Happy wedding anniversary!

It's not just an ordinary day!
This is when I became us!
And life became more of you!
This is one year of everything we have to celebrate about our relationship!

We are away from each other!
To celebrate this day!
By cursing the cruelty of this long distance!

I was really afraid of getting into this!
Marriage and stuff!
And still there was some courage, a force
who/which made this beautiful thing happen between us!

Love! Did it really happen between us?
Do I really love you?
May be, you should answer those questions!

We are a more practical couple, people say!
And yet, I don't know why my head rings with you, when you laugh!

And your presence makes me more comfortable, than anyone elses!
And I have this urge of making you feel special every now and then!
Ideas never run out, when I think for you!

Sometimes, I wish I had seen you earlier!
I wish we had been having those eye locks!

Proposals and denials or breakups and patch ups?
Some bike rides and beach walks!
And a fight with the respective families to marry each other!
I doubt if you feel the same about me!

My life will be nothing without you!
All I can do is thank all the good people, who brought you to me!
And thank the time, for its kindness in waiting till I found the right person!

Love you! Miss you!
Happy one year of marriage, love and family life!
To you and me and the baby that's coming!
And to many more years of love I am preparing myself to give you!