The world called IT!

There you are. On my next article. I promised it would be about Kerala. may be I would take some time to grasp more of this complex human behaviors, which vary from one state to another and one culture to another.

What does IT mean to the outside world?

For my parents, all my IT job means nothing. Really nothing I do . They are happy that I have a good cab facility from home to office and a better toilet facility compared to any of the government offices and a salary at the end of the month. (Yeah when I run out of whatever I have, its already month end and so, they will not have their daughter nagging behind them for pocket money anymore. Now, its my husband, as he will not be separated from his ATM card)

To my sister, all my job is about anti-nationalism. Yes, when I say I work for a foreign client, every relative of mine envy me, while she always looks with disgust. you work for some other country!? Really?! Why can’t you do that for India? Why can’t you do it for your own company?! This is so anti-nationalism. And I answer that with a sheepish smile! She has finished her Journalism between all these comments. So, the next time I hear these set of sentences, I would say to her, “You are so journalist” ;-p!

And to my friends, I am just sitting in front of this white screen and writing lots and lots of blogs without any job! When they get a message or mail about my post, some really sweet friends reply in the comment that the article is so good. Some good friends say that, they do not have time and they would read it later and some unreading friends ask me if I have no work and ask to share theirs for heavens sake.

Great!

Everybody has a good opinion on me till now!

Then coming to my actual work!

So, there are days!

I feel like I never belong to the place. All I will do is, come to office, work, then work, then work, then work and then work and go home and kill myself in bed, which my family would think as the greatest offence done to the family (Previously my dad and my sister while staying with me (PS: I regret spending more time on my phone tha with both of them after office now) and now my husband's family), because, they were waiting for me at home all day, and I am not paying attention to any of thier talks.

And the day will come, when I will not feel like working. Will go eat drink water, eat whatever I feel like eating, then drink water, go to rest room between to kill the boring time, then go to library to sleep, then eat, then drink water, then go home. Don’t underestimate the power of sitting idle. It is the most difficult of all the things, especially when you do not have the right to step out of office, without saying what have you done today and what you will do tomorrow. This would be the most stressing job, when you are near you appraisal date! God save me!

And the day will come, when I feel like balancing home and work. Will get to office on time. Complete all the tasks in 9 hours and do help my home with whatever I have to help with! An I would promise at the end of the day that, this should be done everyday and the next day would be the day mentioned first or the second!

Some days, I will feel that I have lost all the passion in my life, so will push myself hard to pursue my passion, after being a good person in both office and home. That would be the day, I would read till the next day morning, or write till my fingers pain or paint until all the colors in the watercolor tube gets drained. And I would lose all the good names I got yesterday because, usually my brain becomes nerdy and jerky after a sleepless night.

There are lots of perspectives of IT world! We become excited even for a movie, we purchase online all the time. We become socially active at Facebook and twitter level and try to be nice to everyone we meet, because these days, Managers, directors and CEOs are too young to be considered for their position and messing up with them can lead you on creating your own company or begging to someone else for money.

So, having said that, I should finish this here and return back to my work-home life. That is what makes me more human than the dreams that carry my life to the next level. Celebrating 1 year at Cognizant tomorrow, I dedicate this article to all my batch mates who were with me and still trying to get along  with me somehow. To all those managers and team leads and buddies, who have helped me all along this journey and got the jobs done from me between these blogging times.

Decoding the myth word mother-in-law!

Well, what pops up in your head, when hear the word, mother-in-law?

The inherent Indian will opt to those never ending Sass-Bahu soaps in Televisions. The word unquestionably runs a shiver through the spine of both men and women. Men, because, they don’t understand how the hell something goes wrong between his wife and Maa, when everything is going fine in the entire house. And women because, they are “well educated” (That’s sarcasm, for your information) with these soaps in all the languages.

When there is a relationship, there are going to be problems, no matter what! Don’t we see our Mom and Dad fight like India and Pakistan and then find them the next day, praising each other like nothing has ever happened in their life. The issue goes viral, when it is between a Daughter-in-Law and a Mother-in-Law.

When mom and dad fight, it’s their children, who are going to be the Panchayat presidents, and obviously, no power is given to them. They just stand supporting one group and the next day, they are handled like fools. But, when there is a mismatch in frequency between the In-laws, it’s going to be two different families. The Saas and the Bahu family! Which is kinda dangerous! The mother-in-law position is the most delicate position in this entire universe. They want their son to be happy and they cannot accept that there is someone other than them, who is going to give that to their son. Possessiveness and obsession are common in love! Especially in too much love!

When there is going to be a power struggle in the house, the best way to deal with it is staying calm, for both the parties. If it’s going to go beyond the walls of the house, it would be difficult to settle the issue as someone would remember something else that happened in the past and it would become “I-Don’t-Know-What-I-Am-Fighting-For” problem. A reasonable talk after few hours or a few days of the misunderstanding will do. So, if you ask me where to vent out all the resentment till that time, don’t act like a child. You are married (Or you will be). You have a partner to torture!   :-p

This would reduce the friction and if you really love your partner, you are not going to make him feel bad for what their mom did and waste time over that. If the mistake is on your side, taking time will help in accepting that. Acting mature is equally frustrating as giving a speech to the “I-Don’t-care-What-You-Are-Talking” crowd. But, don’t think of escaping it. If you are the bad one, accept and don’t do it again.

Most Mothers-in-law, these days, are well educated and office going or well informed of the job difficulties that every woman undergoes. Because, you know what? All people work late night and some just at night which includes her son and daughter and in some good cases, themselves. This has made them soften their move towards the office going Bahu! And sometimes, the most suffered in-laws, never disturb you with obsession or other silly problems, because they know how childish it is to think of grabbing a place that would never be caught, no matter how hard she fights. Yes, being a wife is a promise you give to some one saying “I will endure you until death do that part for me” and that is the greatest promise you can give someone. And these days, In-laws too understand that! Good sign!

How do you feel when your sister/friend takes your “forever-favorite” dress and at the end of the day you find that she has poured the “Never-will-go-sauce” in it? Horrible, right? If you could develop this much attachment to a dress, how could you expect you mother-in-law, not to get agitated at your silly mistakes you do to your husband? She would think that you are ruining the most beautiful thing she has ever brought to this world with your cooking and every stuff you do to him. If you see it this way, it would be so funny. Isn’t it? As long as your husband can endure your everything, you are good to go. It is not that difficult.

As long as you are good, nothing bad can happen to you! One day, you will find out, you are not loving your husband enough. That day, you will remember your mother-in-law. That day will be the day, when you get your baby in your hand.

Take a deep breath! You are not alone in this big world! Be happy! That there is someone to compensate the love you are not going to give your husband! The man who would be your forever person, created by a woman’s love. And you know what? Thank your mother-in-law for creating the man of your dreams. If not her, your dream man would have been in your dream alone.

The neuroscience behind everything!

Part 1

Why we get more angry as a community than as an individual?

Brain is a crazy organ! Everything you presume about this world is nothing but those electrical signals and chemical reactions in the brain. Not only love, but also, each and every action of ours depends on the brain and the neurons inside it.

For example, every time you lift your hand, a set of neurons get activated, which brings about the memory of last time you lifted your hand, the things that happened when you lifted it, like whether you are going to just catch and throw something or that you are going to hold it for some more time and so on and so forth. It seems that this is one of the easiest thing you are doing in your life and still it takes a lots of effort by your brain to coordinate such actions, as it is going to connect different thousands of neurons in the process at the different regions of it. Well, only for the fist time. That is why the babies drop things, as their neurons are not soft-wired to the memory of lifting things. And with time, you are getting used to it making it an usual ritual, without even the conscience that you are doing the action.

So, coming to the question, when you take the refugee crisis and the Iraq and Iran problems and if you want a close look at it in India, the latest reaction of Kannada people towards the Tamil people (I am sorry to polarise, but this is what has happened in their mind. That they are something and we are something) for the cauvery water sharing issue. A lot of them, who have attacked the other group of people, has had their brain, hard wired to the fact that the other group is an enemy of some kind. 

The media plays the foul game by broadcasting some videos from unknown sources. The politicians play politics and the people become the slave of their brain. As anger unveils itself in a mass, the stronger the feeling of disgust grows against the other group. This leads to the greater disasters to human kind, like the mass killings against Jews in Germany by the Nazis. No matter how much you get repulsed by the idea of attacking some one as an individual, the repeated sentences of "them attacking your community of people", "the videos of violence by their religion against your religious people" can pass that epidemic infection into your mind. And when your community or religion gets together at some place nearer to the opposite community or religion, no matter how close you are to that set of people, your brain becomes shadowed by the fact that someone of who belongs to your group has been hurt by someone of their group and the clash starts firing to unimaginable levels.

That is why governments stop broadcasting certain TV channels and newspapers during sensitive times. As the technology has grown in multitudes in a short span of time, it has become mandatory for the government to curtail them too.

To prove this theory of mine, I will take the help of an proved theory by a school teacher. To stop violence against black people in America, she wanted to teach her students, how it would feel like being humiliated by certain group and how rage grows so fast in a mob. She divided to students in her class to two groups with their eye color, the blue ones and the brown ones. She said on the first day that the blues ones were superior to the brown ones. And to differentiate the groups, she asked the blues ones to wear a shirt with collar and the brown ones to wear without collar. And she continued to do the same the next day, but changed her sentence and said today the brown ones are superior.

After that experience, what happened inside those children were a tremendous change. While the blue eye students were so rude the first day by humiliating the brown ones, one fellow even recollects how rude he was to the brown eyed people and how he bullied them. He is a old man now, of course. And that experiment in her class has changed his view towards the black people. He or every student in the class never ever have disregarded people based on their appearance or religion so far. So good!

Dividing people into groups with names based on religion, community, color, caste or creed, activate certain regions of brain inflicting inferiority complex and intolerance. This creates an unhealable scar, that activates the pain sensitive region in brain. And when the situation becomes so vulnerable, like the recent cauvery issue or the always on-going border issue in Kashmir or the one between Iraq and Iran, people get violent without even knowing the real facts. This might result in even killing the best friend of the other state or community or region just because he/ she is not of his/her group.

And the media tries to fuel it for its TRP and the politicians repeat that they are a part of that inferior people and that they are being attacked everytime- the so called dirty politics.

So, it's all in the brain. It can create or destroy things and even people. And if you are so clever, never allow someone's opinion to shadow yours. Be a human, before being tagged to some religion or community or caste or creed or color!

Dependency

Dependent people are so clever!
They are not fools!
Especially the ones who know that they are dependent!
They show to the world that they are dependent!
They admit that they cannot live alone!
And then they find a right person to depend on!!

And one day,
When they are gone!
Gone might be "gone forever" or just that they stop to be dependent!
The world feels the pressure!
The pressure of their absence!
The abyss of nothing worth to live for!

The world will realise that the admittance was just an excuse!
They make the world fall in love!
In love with their weaknesses!
Yes, it's true that the world always falls for tenderness!
Yes, that's the exact word.
Not weakness, but the tenderness and vulnerability of their words and deeds!
That vulnerable elegance makes them ambient!
Attractive and vulnerable!

But the so called dependant people never give up on them!
And on this world!
And hence their confidence makes the world fall head over heels for them!

And then they make the world reciprocate it!
And the world will always come to a conclusion that, "Everyone is dependent on someone somehow!", after they leave!
But, you know, it's so complicated!

That the world will always come to square zero!
To where it started!
To the belief that it's independent!
And it would meet a person who calls them dependent!
And unconsciously will become dependent!
And the vicious circle will go on and on!

Emotions: Really random ones!

Would there be a better day to talk about emotions? No.. There would be a question inside you “Why the hell is today?”

That’s because. well, no good reason. I just wanted to say to the world about it today.

Having married very recently, I have gone though infinite emotions in a month or so. The frustration and the unknown fears, the missing feeling of leaving your loved ones forever, the prospect of having someone for yourself for a lifetime, new home, extremely kind: new people, the weight of carrying their expectations and hopes on your head and a lot of it. If I am going to list them all, I am going make your head spin.

A mix of positive and negative ones, which can bring you to a state of mood swing. I am person, who usually think a lot and “Think–A–Lot” phrase does not qualify me for a person who thinks constructively all the time. Going through this large roller coaster ride, I should say, what happened in my life in the past few months never would fit in the bad/negative emotional background.

I have had the most supportive parents and the best relatives, who have taken care of my emotional state throughout this journey with at most care. I have got the most loving family of people in my husband’s (kinda our home now) home. Of course, a practically thinking, good looking, charismatic man by my side. A dream marriage for so many people. But what I have gone through would never be described by words. The end was always a fairy tale. But, in my mind, there had always been my own set of villians (the good and the bad ones), asking me questions “What if?”, “What if it is not?”, “Why?”, “How?” and a lot of it if framed fully would land you in a mental asylum. Now you image those questions itching me from inside. I got the answers and but the way was so stormy, which was not needed.

A girl, they say is a complex creature. True that. You cannot walk through the mind of a girl once. You would faint. Coz, I did, while I was walking through my own mind. So, then I decided to keep it simple. To keep it to the point.

I, nowadays, eliminate certain questions, by giving them priorities based on how their answers would affect my life. Life is simple. A question can have only answers and not a poem. And also the realization that, “a question in the head and the answer to it: is not life”, will always help us do more than what we can really do in life.

How can this mad girl relate to these things to emotion?, should be the question in your head now. Well, kinda even I don’t know. Being emotional is a part of life. Letting negative emotions rule you is a waste of time. Experience them too. But, don over them. Coz, those are fleeting. The real thing is only in the end: The fairy tale, written differently for different people. Or taking things as if its a fairy tale would always help too.

- Shree Krishna Priya J

Happy Independence day!

As India gets a year older than the last year, celebrating its 69th Independence day, I wish you all a Happy Independence day at the first place. There more days to cherish Indian culture, tradition , diversity and integrity. But this day is the one, that brings every Indian together, beyond the worldly things like caste, creed and religion. When life shows us many ways to conquer, we, Indians have the history of choosing the tougher among them, just because it is right. The freedom we got, as the Viceroy signed it with the Indian people, to leave this big rich nation is because of that non-violence movement. All that we learned on the History books.

What Independence has given us is a constitution and the laws that govern the people to right. What we have made from it is a system, that would be so convenient to safe guard ourselves from the grips of it, when something goes wrong in our part. Though there have been a lot of changes with regard to education, women empowerment and life style in general,we lag behind in things we want to give immediate attention.

Where was the law, when a minor, who cruelly raped and disfigured a woman? Where is the law, when small children  face molestation and harassment? Where is the law when people attack one community of people, just because they believe that their ideas and philosophy towards life is better than the weaker one? Where is the law?

I sure agree that law protects us. But, we never realize who it really protects, until Salman Khan walks out of the court after having all the evidences against him in the infamous "Hit and Run case" and " Hunting deers" case. If I had done the same/say any other common citizen have done this, the case would have gone  unnoticed and that common citizen would have had enough of his lifetime to be spent in jail. Laws have become just the rules and we always have an easier penalty to solve the case against them: the people in power and the people with lots of money .

What plays a major role is the media, that loves to project things, the way they want the public to illusionize in their mind. While real news are facts, nowadays, news has become the opinion of fewer group of people repeating their thought again and again to make the public believe it.

We are stronger than the other set of people, by sex or by religion, because we have the duty to protect the weaker one. If this would be remembered by all the citizens this independence day, we would grow to that height cannot be scaled by any other nation in this world.

Happy Independence day again!

So am writing again! Happy friendship day in advance!

There are people around, who are waiting eagerly for my next post. They want to know what this thoughtless writer is doing after marriage. Is she in love? Is she happy? And all that! And why the hell she is not writing?!

Well! At least few people, who are not disturbed by the blog links from my WhatsApp account. For you all, who are expecting and not expecting, here is my article. I fell in love. I am having beautiful days in my life. And I am really madly happy about all the things that happened to me in the last few months. But there is part of mine, missing some essential people. They are at a distance, happy for my happiness, perking me with lots of questions about my marriage and sad for my absence. I shouldn’t exaggerate, but it’s true that some people would miss me dearly. Coz, I do too. Some feelings, you know at the bottom of your heart that its mutual with some people.

Have there been a situation, that would have changed my fate from meeting this people, life would have been boring. The school gang, the college buddies, the hostel guddies, my sister, the training team, the cousin group! Well, I escaped from mentioning the dear ones. But they know it already. The love and the fun of having FRIENDS around, who take an extraordinary effort to make you feel good about yourself is a gift of a lifetime and I should say that I have had that gift. A lot of them. Every year, as you grow, friendship holds different meaning for different people. And for me the people have changed, the places have changed, the bond always appears to be the same.

I have always been a kind of person, who likes to listen to things rather than to talk. My talking grounds had been different, like kind of stages and forums. But, in a closed group, I have always been a receiver of whatever my friends say. I love to talk. But, it would to so emotional (don’t confine this word to sad talks) and only when I feel like doing so. I am a passionate person and I find myself attached only to people, who are passionate. Hate or love, I like it to be the extreme and so do my set of friends or so does that happen.

While I should admit, many things happened in my life because of these best people in life. Every decision, every colorful event in my life would have had them or have them. I would always call them at the one corner of the world at an unholy time, for some unknown reason and when I recall, I find that, they have never denied anything to me.

When for the first time in school, I received a gift from my best friend, I knew that I would never stop loving her. Till this date, she is my first and the best! A gift is small thing. But, for me, on that birthday, that was the most precious thing that happened. From her I learnt, how to make people feel special. When I talk to her, I know, I feel childish and she still calls me innocent and I have no idea why! And those bunch of idiots who made it to my marriage somehow! I love them all!

When it turns to college, I have had a rough time and found the gem of people there too. While coping up with the strict rules of that white stone building in Chennai, I remember, how I was happy beyond those restrictions. There had been on and off friendships and that there are truly lasting ones. I would be a fool, if I am not going to mention the hostel. Well! The most girly giggly days of my life!

And then a period of blankness, where I literally got bored of all these people because, I was so much available for every one of them.

And then, it started again. Friendship is a magic. There are no confinements. Sissy girly times and a bunch of idiots again! The most important set of people because, they knew how numb it feels while we sit doing nothing. And the most thrilling period of my life too. The adventurous and a diverse set of friends, who made it so much difficult to leave them, just because their absence would mean the end of adrenaline rush into the blood. Nutty witty people!

And for now! I have a man, who has made me fall in love, head over heels. For he has inherited mix of the qualities of all those friends mentioned above and then with a tinge of extra love! Kinda found friendship in love :-p!

So the story of friendship goes on and on! To the endless sky and above!

Happy friendship day in advance!