Decoding the myth word mother-in-law!

Well, what pops up in your head, when hear the word, mother-in-law?

The inherent Indian will opt to those never ending Sass-Bahu soaps in Televisions. The word unquestionably runs a shiver through the spine of both men and women. Men, because, they don’t understand how the hell something goes wrong between his wife and Maa, when everything is going fine in the entire house. And women because, they are “well educated” (That’s sarcasm, for your information) with these soaps in all the languages.

When there is a relationship, there are going to be problems, no matter what! Don’t we see our Mom and Dad fight like India and Pakistan and then find them the next day, praising each other like nothing has ever happened in their life. The issue goes viral, when it is between a Daughter-in-Law and a Mother-in-Law.

When mom and dad fight, it’s their children, who are going to be the Panchayat presidents, and obviously, no power is given to them. They just stand supporting one group and the next day, they are handled like fools. But, when there is a mismatch in frequency between the In-laws, it’s going to be two different families. The Saas and the Bahu family! Which is kinda dangerous! The mother-in-law position is the most delicate position in this entire universe. They want their son to be happy and they cannot accept that there is someone other than them, who is going to give that to their son. Possessiveness and obsession are common in love! Especially in too much love!

When there is going to be a power struggle in the house, the best way to deal with it is staying calm, for both the parties. If it’s going to go beyond the walls of the house, it would be difficult to settle the issue as someone would remember something else that happened in the past and it would become “I-Don’t-Know-What-I-Am-Fighting-For” problem. A reasonable talk after few hours or a few days of the misunderstanding will do. So, if you ask me where to vent out all the resentment till that time, don’t act like a child. You are married (Or you will be). You have a partner to torture!   :-p

This would reduce the friction and if you really love your partner, you are not going to make him feel bad for what their mom did and waste time over that. If the mistake is on your side, taking time will help in accepting that. Acting mature is equally frustrating as giving a speech to the “I-Don’t-care-What-You-Are-Talking” crowd. But, don’t think of escaping it. If you are the bad one, accept and don’t do it again.

Most Mothers-in-law, these days, are well educated and office going or well informed of the job difficulties that every woman undergoes. Because, you know what? All people work late night and some just at night which includes her son and daughter and in some good cases, themselves. This has made them soften their move towards the office going Bahu! And sometimes, the most suffered in-laws, never disturb you with obsession or other silly problems, because they know how childish it is to think of grabbing a place that would never be caught, no matter how hard she fights. Yes, being a wife is a promise you give to some one saying “I will endure you until death do that part for me” and that is the greatest promise you can give someone. And these days, In-laws too understand that! Good sign!

How do you feel when your sister/friend takes your “forever-favorite” dress and at the end of the day you find that she has poured the “Never-will-go-sauce” in it? Horrible, right? If you could develop this much attachment to a dress, how could you expect you mother-in-law, not to get agitated at your silly mistakes you do to your husband? She would think that you are ruining the most beautiful thing she has ever brought to this world with your cooking and every stuff you do to him. If you see it this way, it would be so funny. Isn’t it? As long as your husband can endure your everything, you are good to go. It is not that difficult.

As long as you are good, nothing bad can happen to you! One day, you will find out, you are not loving your husband enough. That day, you will remember your mother-in-law. That day will be the day, when you get your baby in your hand.

Take a deep breath! You are not alone in this big world! Be happy! That there is someone to compensate the love you are not going to give your husband! The man who would be your forever person, created by a woman’s love. And you know what? Thank your mother-in-law for creating the man of your dreams. If not her, your dream man would have been in your dream alone.

The neuroscience behind everything!

Part 1

Why we get more angry as a community than as an individual?

Brain is a crazy organ! Everything you presume about this world is nothing but those electrical signals and chemical reactions in the brain. Not only love, but also, each and every action of ours depends on the brain and the neurons inside it.

For example, every time you lift your hand, a set of neurons get activated, which brings about the memory of last time you lifted your hand, the things that happened when you lifted it, like whether you are going to just catch and throw something or that you are going to hold it for some more time and so on and so forth. It seems that this is one of the easiest thing you are doing in your life and still it takes a lots of effort by your brain to coordinate such actions, as it is going to connect different thousands of neurons in the process at the different regions of it. Well, only for the fist time. That is why the babies drop things, as their neurons are not soft-wired to the memory of lifting things. And with time, you are getting used to it making it an usual ritual, without even the conscience that you are doing the action.

So, coming to the question, when you take the refugee crisis and the Iraq and Iran problems and if you want a close look at it in India, the latest reaction of Kannada people towards the Tamil people (I am sorry to polarise, but this is what has happened in their mind. That they are something and we are something) for the cauvery water sharing issue. A lot of them, who have attacked the other group of people, has had their brain, hard wired to the fact that the other group is an enemy of some kind. 

The media plays the foul game by broadcasting some videos from unknown sources. The politicians play politics and the people become the slave of their brain. As anger unveils itself in a mass, the stronger the feeling of disgust grows against the other group. This leads to the greater disasters to human kind, like the mass killings against Jews in Germany by the Nazis. No matter how much you get repulsed by the idea of attacking some one as an individual, the repeated sentences of "them attacking your community of people", "the videos of violence by their religion against your religious people" can pass that epidemic infection into your mind. And when your community or religion gets together at some place nearer to the opposite community or religion, no matter how close you are to that set of people, your brain becomes shadowed by the fact that someone of who belongs to your group has been hurt by someone of their group and the clash starts firing to unimaginable levels.

That is why governments stop broadcasting certain TV channels and newspapers during sensitive times. As the technology has grown in multitudes in a short span of time, it has become mandatory for the government to curtail them too.

To prove this theory of mine, I will take the help of an proved theory by a school teacher. To stop violence against black people in America, she wanted to teach her students, how it would feel like being humiliated by certain group and how rage grows so fast in a mob. She divided to students in her class to two groups with their eye color, the blue ones and the brown ones. She said on the first day that the blues ones were superior to the brown ones. And to differentiate the groups, she asked the blues ones to wear a shirt with collar and the brown ones to wear without collar. And she continued to do the same the next day, but changed her sentence and said today the brown ones are superior.

After that experience, what happened inside those children were a tremendous change. While the blue eye students were so rude the first day by humiliating the brown ones, one fellow even recollects how rude he was to the brown eyed people and how he bullied them. He is a old man now, of course. And that experiment in her class has changed his view towards the black people. He or every student in the class never ever have disregarded people based on their appearance or religion so far. So good!

Dividing people into groups with names based on religion, community, color, caste or creed, activate certain regions of brain inflicting inferiority complex and intolerance. This creates an unhealable scar, that activates the pain sensitive region in brain. And when the situation becomes so vulnerable, like the recent cauvery issue or the always on-going border issue in Kashmir or the one between Iraq and Iran, people get violent without even knowing the real facts. This might result in even killing the best friend of the other state or community or region just because he/ she is not of his/her group.

And the media tries to fuel it for its TRP and the politicians repeat that they are a part of that inferior people and that they are being attacked everytime- the so called dirty politics.

So, it's all in the brain. It can create or destroy things and even people. And if you are so clever, never allow someone's opinion to shadow yours. Be a human, before being tagged to some religion or community or caste or creed or color!

Dependency

Dependent people are so clever!
They are not fools!
Especially the ones who know that they are dependent!
They show to the world that they are dependent!
They admit that they cannot live alone!
And then they find a right person to depend on!!

And one day,
When they are gone!
Gone might be "gone forever" or just that they stop to be dependent!
The world feels the pressure!
The pressure of their absence!
The abyss of nothing worth to live for!

The world will realise that the admittance was just an excuse!
They make the world fall in love!
In love with their weaknesses!
Yes, it's true that the world always falls for tenderness!
Yes, that's the exact word.
Not weakness, but the tenderness and vulnerability of their words and deeds!
That vulnerable elegance makes them ambient!
Attractive and vulnerable!

But the so called dependant people never give up on them!
And on this world!
And hence their confidence makes the world fall head over heels for them!

And then they make the world reciprocate it!
And the world will always come to a conclusion that, "Everyone is dependent on someone somehow!", after they leave!
But, you know, it's so complicated!

That the world will always come to square zero!
To where it started!
To the belief that it's independent!
And it would meet a person who calls them dependent!
And unconsciously will become dependent!
And the vicious circle will go on and on!

Emotions: Really random ones!

Would there be a better day to talk about emotions? No.. There would be a question inside you “Why the hell is today?”

That’s because. well, no good reason. I just wanted to say to the world about it today.

Having married very recently, I have gone though infinite emotions in a month or so. The frustration and the unknown fears, the missing feeling of leaving your loved ones forever, the prospect of having someone for yourself for a lifetime, new home, extremely kind: new people, the weight of carrying their expectations and hopes on your head and a lot of it. If I am going to list them all, I am going make your head spin.

A mix of positive and negative ones, which can bring you to a state of mood swing. I am person, who usually think a lot and “Think–A–Lot” phrase does not qualify me for a person who thinks constructively all the time. Going through this large roller coaster ride, I should say, what happened in my life in the past few months never would fit in the bad/negative emotional background.

I have had the most supportive parents and the best relatives, who have taken care of my emotional state throughout this journey with at most care. I have got the most loving family of people in my husband’s (kinda our home now) home. Of course, a practically thinking, good looking, charismatic man by my side. A dream marriage for so many people. But what I have gone through would never be described by words. The end was always a fairy tale. But, in my mind, there had always been my own set of villians (the good and the bad ones), asking me questions “What if?”, “What if it is not?”, “Why?”, “How?” and a lot of it if framed fully would land you in a mental asylum. Now you image those questions itching me from inside. I got the answers and but the way was so stormy, which was not needed.

A girl, they say is a complex creature. True that. You cannot walk through the mind of a girl once. You would faint. Coz, I did, while I was walking through my own mind. So, then I decided to keep it simple. To keep it to the point.

I, nowadays, eliminate certain questions, by giving them priorities based on how their answers would affect my life. Life is simple. A question can have only answers and not a poem. And also the realization that, “a question in the head and the answer to it: is not life”, will always help us do more than what we can really do in life.

How can this mad girl relate to these things to emotion?, should be the question in your head now. Well, kinda even I don’t know. Being emotional is a part of life. Letting negative emotions rule you is a waste of time. Experience them too. But, don over them. Coz, those are fleeting. The real thing is only in the end: The fairy tale, written differently for different people. Or taking things as if its a fairy tale would always help too.

- Shree Krishna Priya J

A painting!

As he walks through those roads,
In the mountains that's so steeper than my heart!

As those trees have the patches of densely packed evergreen leaves,
And their "swish" shivering the senses of that man!

As those birds, never stop to fly,
In the densely packed clouds of that forest skies,

As the Sun never reduce those penetrating golden rays,
Over the blacky blue clouds,

I see my life lost in his perseverance,
He carries it effortlessly and mercilessly,
Into those woods, where there is darkness and adventure,
Where he said, he would never leave my hand!

That's a kind promise he gave!
And so that moment seized in the canvas!
Signifying his love!
The light above, trying to tear the nothingness!

And that's the painting I drew of him!
In my mind, which is no more sane!
Which is worth! For he is of that kind!
That worthy kind!

Painting courtesy: Google search